An explanation in the only way that makes sense at the moment.

You made sense in a time of desperation.

A time of desperately grasping good intentions, with nothing to hold on to.

You were everything I wanted, and everything I thought I needed.

It seemed like we were perfect and invincible together, but I was looking through the slits between your fingers over my eyes.

We were unstable together, two volatile people who made sense in each other.

You helped bring me back from a relapse, and I thank you for that.

With all the fights, all the insecurity, all the carefully planned words, never wanting to read between the lines because there was only anger and pain…

It just became too much.

You loved me hard enough and gave me the strength to realize that I didn’t need to put up with your bullshit anymore.

The trust was spread too thin, and when it came to the point where I wasn’t just distrusting you, but the things that came out of my own mouth, I knew there was time for a change.

You impacted my life positively, no matter how bad things got. I truly did love you, more than I ever knew I could. I have you to thank for a lot of my strength.

I can’t let that strength go, though. Our relationship became toxic and I couldn’t find that strength to keep it going. The blame was on both of us.

Apologizing is the only truthful thing I can do to fix a broken heart and broken promises.

I’m sorry, love.

That kiss was goodbye.



And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something — it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing. You can’t fill it up. You can’t cover it. It’s just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.

It would be like having a bunch of dead fish, but no one around you will acknowledge that the fish are dead. Instead, they offer to help you look for the fish or try to help you figure out why they disappeared.

This is actually a really good way to explain it, I think.


(via carsica)


literally nothing can ever top this


literally nothing can ever top this

(via amx004qubeley)

(via laghoulia)